This Spring, I was invited to participate in a summer program. It’s a good program, run by great people in a beautiful place. But, despite being offered a truly amazing deal, I couldn’t afford to do it. And that was a bit of a heartbreak, since it was something I wanted to do very much.
So, when I got offered a spot in another summer program for a similar amount of money, I turned it down easily. Not because I didn’t want to do it, or because it wouldn’t be a great opportunity–but if I couldn’t come up with the money fast to do a program I loved, I couldn’t justify coming up with it more slowly for a program I liked. I shut the door, and started looking ahead to the next round of auditions in the fall.
Imagine my surprise when this second program continued to pursue me, not once but three times. Opportunity wasn’t just knocking, it was fairly banging down my door, significant scholarships in hand. Trying hard to not be a total idiot, I finally accepted the insistent push of the universe, and decided to make it work.* And that was all at once terrifying, gratifying, and exciting.
So for the last couple of weeks I’ve been rapidly shoving Mozart recits, arias, quintets etc into my head in preparation to perform Marcellina in Le Nozze di Figaro. This is not a role that has ever been on my radar, but now that I’m getting to know her, I think Marcellina and I will get along famously. There have been a few shenanigans along the way to make me question whether this was actually a great choice for me…but I have to keep reminding myself of some simple, inescapable facts:
1. It’s not like I have a whole lot else going on right now, professionally. I’ve been teaching, and I did a production of The Mikado this Spring, but other than that, my stage time and professional development have been at a near standstill. I’ve been working in a vacuum, and that’s not a great way to grow as a singer.
2. This will go on my resume, not only as a Summer program, but as a performance of a role with a company. That’s good stuff, and my resume can’t take a year’s worth of nothing after grad school.
3. I get to work up some new arias in preparation for the fall audition season–which, by the way, has already gotten underway. Not a moment too soon. I needed some fresh blood on my Top 5 (the five arias that I will consistently offer at auditions this year) to make me competitive.
4. While this is still going to cost me some money (y u so e’spensive, plane tickets?), it is money being well spent on my craft.
5. It’s going to be seriously scary and new for me, process-wise. This is going to be the shortest turn-around I’ve ever had for a show that isn’t a musical. I’ll be performing with people who are legit working professionals, singing at major houses all over the world. And I have to not only keep up, but prove that I deserve to be there. Nothing motivates quite like fear of failure, and this is good for me.
6. Thinking is fine, but over-thinking/worrying about crap that doesn’t matter in the long run will make you crazy. So don’t do it.
Right now my Figaro experience is mostly one of barely-contained terror as I learn this role (and it’s not a big one, so it’s going pretty fast) in a very short period of time. Italian does not come naturally to me, and it is some serious work getting it to stick in my head. I couldn’t ask for a better way to improve my skills than this.
Meanwhile, Husband’s job ends at the end of August, his dissertation is still 4 guys short of a full data set and we have no good job prospects on the horizon for a briefly ABD psychologist. Whee! Upheaval and change! This seems to be the name of the game for 2012. I’m slowly learning not to fight the uncertainty, but, instead, to ride the current and see where it takes me.
*If anybody would like to make a donation towards my living expenses during this 20 day program, I certainly wouldn’t turn it down.